I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
