were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
