Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
