God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
