I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
