If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
