Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
