There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
