Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
