I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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