she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
