Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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