college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Actions speak louder than pants.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Holy sore nipples Batman
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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