this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
