He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
