Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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