Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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