i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
