What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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