Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
