that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
