there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
