Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
