I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
