we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
