funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My bed smells like the plague
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
