sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
