If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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