What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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