I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
