Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
