pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
