Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
