I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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