This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
