Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
