Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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