Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
