His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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