there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
