she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
