I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
