i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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