found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
