Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
