I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
