I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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