Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
