Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
