i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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