and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
