This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
